Elephant Larry: Sketch Comedy

Elephant Larry: Sketch Comedy Elephant Larry: Sketch Comedy

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BRAND NEW SHOW
May 2, 9, 16

Headshot Theatre presents

Stefan Lawrence in

Death of a Car Salesman

a new comedy by Alexander Zalben

Characters:
Mr. Pibb (A customer, new to the neighborhood)
J.R. McJazz (A car salesman, who later dies)

Mr. Pibb: [There's a knock on the door. Mr. Pibb enters.] Hello, is anybody around? I was very interested in buying a new car. I recently moved and--

J.R. McJazz: Hey there, pardner! The names McJazz. J.R. McJazz. I hear you're interested in a new car?

Mr. Pibb: Yes, I'd like a car. I recently moved, and--

J.R. McJazz: Ha! Ha! Ha! Whoa, buddy, I don't need your life story. Alls I know is that you look like a nice guy, and as a nice guy, who's my new best friend, I'm gonna give you a break.

Mr. Pibb: Oh, thank goodness. I've gotten into such trouble today. I meant to get here sooner, but the bus broke down. And then at lunch I drank some spoiled milk, but the hospital was closed. And then--

J.R. McJazz: Hey, hey, what'll cheer you up more than a new car? Now look at this beauty. Vintage 1969 Convertible, mint condition... Hey, you got a little lady?

Mr. Pibb: My girlfriend and I are on a break. She said she needed a year or two to think things over.

J.R. McJazz: Ha! Ha! Keeping your options open, right? That's my kind of guy. You're my best friend.

Mr. Pibb: Oh. Okay.

J.R. McJazz: Buddy. Can I level with you?

Mr. Pibb: Sure.

J.R. McJazz: You buy this car, you are going to be knee-deep in you know what.

Mr. Pibb: No, I don't know what.

J.R. McJazz: Meow, you know. Like a cat? Meow? Rhymes with hussy?

Mr. Pibb: I like cats.

J.R. McJazz: Yeah, I bet you do, you fox. So look, do we have a deal?

Mr. Pibb: Well, I don't know...

J.R. McJazz: [J.R. pauses for dramatic emphasis. This part can be filled with some sort of stage business.]

Mr. Pibb: All right, we have a deal! I'm very happy! Thank you, Mr. McJazz. [Mr. Pibb hands over a suitcase full of money, and leaves. Dramatic lighting change. Possibly some sort of awesome music cue.]

J.R. McJazz: Is this what has become of my life? Who am I, but a lowly car salesman, preying on the weak, and praying for the week to end. Oh curse this wretched flesh! Too soon shall it melt from my bones, and what shall I have to say for it? Children? Nay! A wife? Double Nay! A friend who will remember me whence I am gone? Nay. A thousand times, nay. I am a salesman, yet the only thing I have sold is my very soul. [A bright light comes from the top of the stage. Possibly a special? Can we get a special? Or a gobo, you know something that lets the audience know he has died. A sign that says "Heaven," or some glitter would also be adequate. J.R. McJazz is lifted over the audience, and disappears into the light.]

Mr. Pibb: [There's a knock on the door. Mr. Pibb enters.] Hello, Mr. McJazz? You never gave me the keys to the car... Hello? [Pause] Aw, this just isn't my day. [He gets hit with cream pies. Jaunty music, then curtain.]

About the Company:

Stefan Lawrence has appeared in hundreds of thousands of plays on and Off-Broadway. He recently finished playing the part of Linda Loman in the road tour of Death of a Salesman: The Musical. He is also on the soundtrack to the show, singing the smash hit single, "Attention Must Be Payed (But First I Gotta Pay My Bills)." Stefan is featured in numerous advertisements for Go-Gurt, the yogurt for kids on the go.

Alexander Zalben is the author of five thousand plays written specifically for the World Wide Web. He is the recipient of a Webbie Award for his indictment of the seafood industry, Isn't That Just Like a Crab? His one act play, All's Swell That Ends, Will was performed at the Telluride Theater Festival when he was in High School, but for some reason he keeps blabbing about it. Blah, blah, blah, I'm Alexander Zalben, and I'm a famous writer, blah, blah, blah. Where's my Webbie Award, blah, blah, blah? Oh, blah, here it is, blah, blah.

Headshot Theatre is a non-profit organization dedicated to the perpetuation of the art of headshot theatre. Their most recent production was the critically acclaimed play, Death of a Car Salesman.

More dramatic features are available for production. Click here to check 'em all out!