Okay, down to business. I'm going to avoid all un-hilarious and insulting butt-pirate jokes about Stefan and Jeff, and give you a straight answer. Yes, we are all pirates.

Although we've been doing quite well financially from the plethora of shows we do around New York, we were knocked for a loop when we found out that Geoff needed a kidney transplant. We were in the middle of discussing our dreams from the previous night (Stefan had a very vivid nightmare involving Hugh Grant and some spiders), when Geoff looked up at us and said, "I only have six months to live." Turns out, he couldn't afford a kidney transplant operation. Neither could we, even with all the change in our pockets.

There was only one thing to do.

We immediately hopped into Chris's Frigate, and set sail for the Caribbean. Once there, we recruited some of the swarthiest sea dogs in the seven seas, and proceeded to rape and pillage our way across the waters, stopping in Tortuga for a spell to perform a command show for the Governor and his comely daughter.

After several months of adventuring, it turned out that Geoff didn't need an operation after all. The warm and salty sea air had rejuvenated Geoff's vital organs. His kidney was working as good as new.

With his health on the mend, and Alex dead from an attack by the British fleet, our boys returned to New York, ready to face a new life, with their new-found wealth.

So to actually more specifically answer your question, we WERE pirates. Now, we've used our ill-gotten gains to fund a major motion picture based on Stefan's dream, starring Guy Pearce as Hugh Grant, and Hugo Weaving as the evil Spider Queen.

Well, I think that wraps up everything. Until next time, I'm-- Oh no, Alex has returned from the dead! And he's captured the Governor's comely daughter! To the frigate!