Elephant Larry: Sketch Comedy

Elephant Larry: Sketch Comedy Elephant Larry: Sketch Comedy

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Archives: August, 2003

(8-26-03)
Calvin Godfrey asks: I was wondering, if there is a slight burning sensation when I urinate...is that...is that normal? Or was that girl not joking when she referred to herself as "damaged goods." HA! I don't really have a question at all. What do you think of that Elephant Larry? Hoisted by your own petard! Seriously though, I ran out of elephantlarry e-mails to respond to in my "in box" so I figured this was the best way to contact you all simultaneously. Thank you guys so much for coming up it was absolutely cum-tastic to have you all back on stage and up here at the Nelly with me and the rest of the gang. You guys are seriously like comic Christs and I was beyond pleased to be performing one more time with all the same crazy cats that opened me up to the smelly smelly world of sketch comedy --plus Alex and Steffan too (whom I love and fantasize about fortnightly; shhh don't tell). In all seriousness, you guys totally made my fucking weekend and I can't wait to see you all again in NYC. God Bless you Elephant Larry, God bless you every one.

Elephant Larry answers: See, now why aren't the rest of you super-fans like Calvin? Seriously, people, you gotta step up to the plate and take a hint. Smell a piece of the pie. You know what I mean. REPRIZENT!

I think that about sums it up for this one.

(8-19-03)
Dan Katz asks: Hey Alex, our families live pretty close and I was friends with Jon in high school. I saw you guys perform sunday March 16th. I just wanted to say that I thought you guys were great and I'll check the show out again the next time I'm in town. Keep doing what you're doing.

Alex answers: Wow, Hey Dan, what's going on! Good to hear from you, and I'm glad you checked out a show. I'll definitely let Jon (nee Jonathan, who, for those readers who don't know, is my brother) know that you said hello.

But Dan... I'm a little confused as to what your question is. As far as I can tell, everything you put in your letter is more of a statement. So I guess I'll have to assume that your last statement is a question, and I'll answer that.

Keep doing what you're doing? Not necessarily Dan. I think what you're saying here is that you feel like you're in a rut. I understand why you came to me. In high school, I was nicknamed "The Shark," because if I stopped moving, I'd die! Metaphorically, of course. So how can you get out of this rut?

Well, I think the first step is to clean yourself up a bit. You seem confused as to what questions and statements are, and that probably means you're not eating well enough. I called your parents to confirm this, which they did, and they offered to cook you a nice meal if you would just come home once and a while.

Forget that. You don't need a fatty homecooked meal. You need to detox, dude, and I have the perfect place: Alex's Spa-O-Rama.

Yes, that's right, I've opened a brand new spa in my apartment. For only $5,000, I'll massage you, and oil you, and stick you in a mineral bath in my bathtub, and give you a facial with some mud I found, and feed you only raw vegetables.

After only three hours, you'll be fresh, and clean, and ready to keep doing what you've never been doing! You'll have a brand new lease on life.

So Dan, thanks for coming to the shows, and please, keep doing that particular thing you're doing. But come on down to my Spa, and I'll make sure you do things you didn't do before you did a thing you didn't do. And remember to keep it real. Port Wash 4-evah!

(8-12-03)
NGD asks: Is the elephant in elephant larry an adjective or a verb?

Elephant Larry answers: Wow, talk about the number one question we get more than any other question: it would be this very question. Let's take a look at the English language and find out, once and for all.

According to dictionary.com, an adjective is:

- The part of speech that modifies a noun or other substantive by limiting, qualifying, or specifying and distinguished in English morphologically by one of several suffixes, such as -able, -ous, -er, and -est, or syntactically by position directly preceding a noun or nominal phrase.

- Any of the words belonging to this part of speech, such as white in the phrase a white house.

So is Elephant an adjective? Well, it would have to modify the noun, in this case, Larry. So is Larry elephantable? Is Larry elephantous? Or is Larry elephanter, or the elephantest? I think they're all not particularly applicable, except the last one, so we'll keep that under advisement. We'll just ignore the second part, because I'm pretty sure Elephant Larry isn't a white house.

Now a verb, of course, is "the part of speech that expresses existence, action, or occurrence in most languages." So does Larry elephant all over the place? Does Larry elephant harder than anyone else? Did Larry elephant to the store so he could elephant some elephants? No, no, and yes, if you replace the word elephant with "go," "pick up," and "Go Gurt."

So it's POSSIBLE that Elephant is an adjective, but definitely not a verb. I wish there was some other form of speech. Hmmm... Hmmm... HMMM... Well, since that was inconclusive, and I know we don't normally do this, but I'm gonna go ahead and break you off a piece of another e-mail:

NGD asks: Or I guess it could be a noun?

Elephant Larry answers: Oh, hi again, NGD. That was a huge surprise. You writing again, I mean. Okay, let's take a look at nouns:

- The part of speech that is used to name a person, place, thing, quality, or action and can function as the subject or object of a verb, the object of a preposition, or an appositive.

- Any of the words belonging to this part of speech, such as neighbor, window, happiness, or negotiation.

Well, that makes sense! Elephant is part of the name of a group. So it has to be a noun. Although... I mean, I guess Elephant Larry is someone's neighbor. And we are a window to hilarity, which causes happiness. And occasionally, Chris does negotiate the release of hostages. It's a little tenuous, but I think we'll conclude that Elephant Larry is all nouns.

Got that folks? For hot noun-on-noun action, you only have one place to go: Elephant Larry. We'll function as YOUR subject!