Elephant Larry: Sketch Comedy

Elephant Larry: Sketch Comedy Elephant Larry: Sketch Comedy

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Features --> Ask an Elephant

Archives: November, 2002

(11-10-02)
Taryn asks: Hey Chris, Saw your performance here at Tufts. Just curious to know if you have a girlfriend, or whatev. Please post answer on site, and then I'll make the next move :-* Taryn

Chris answers: Dear Taryn, actually, it’s funny that you ask that! As of only a few days ago, I’ve been kinda, sorta "getting involved" with some one. Her name is Jenny and we went to high school together. We’d lost touch, but she just recently e-mailed me out of the blue. I don’t know what’s going on just yet, but I have a really really good feeling about it. Here’s the e-mail she sent me:

From : "Jenny B" jenny15496@hotmail.com
To : cep123@cornell.edu
Subject : I finally found you
Date : Thu, 07 Nov 2002 22:08:09 +0000

Hey you, I haven't spoken to you in so long. I guess I was just a little shy then and I don't remember if you would remember me. But I ran into some of the guys we went to high school with and they said you were at Cornell now. Good for you.

Well, the reason I'm writing is because I've kinda always had a crush on you. I wanted to see if there was any way I could get a second chance of getting to know you better. Anyway, a bunch of my girlfriends and I just got on 5050 Dating <--just click on that to meet up. You've got to come up there. It is pretty wild & there are a few things I've got to tell you. Who knows, maybe we'll hit it off this time and next time you come in town we can get together and I can show you a good time. I look forward to catching up. See ya soon!

Jenny:)

There it is. Pretty exciting, huh? She seems like a really great girl, and I admire her courage (but I guess I always have, looking back). Anyway, thanks for the e-mail, Taryn. If things don’t work out, I’ll be sure to let you know!

Much Potential Love,
Chris

(11-04-02)
Ankur asks: Hey Elephant Larry, this is in response to your response to Lindsay the 6th Grader. Actually, a digestive system that is 40% efficient is pretty good (humans are only about 36% efficient). Oh snap, that wasn't a question... Um, a digestive system that is 40% efficient is pretty good? Thanks Elephant Larry!

Elephant Larry answers: Okay? That's nice to know? Thanks for the tip, Ankur?

You seem to know quite a bit about Elephants, actually. Hey, Lindsay, Ankur is single... Maybe you want to get together for a study date? WINK!

(11-04-02)
Melissa Holman and Cheap Sox ask: Hey Elephant Larry, why are you so damn cool? It's not fair. There's only a certain amount of coolness circulating in the atmosphere at any given time, and you're hogging it all!

Elephant Larry answers: Have you ever seen the movie version of The Avengers? Pretty bad, huh? Well, one day, the boys were all sitting around, watching the movie, and asking themselves what they could do with all the money they make off of sketch comedy. Chris suggested, why not do what Sean Connery does in the movie, and control the world's weather? So they built a weather-controlling machine out of some spare parts Geoff had in his basement. The rest, as they say, is history. Soon, the whole world will crumble before the might of Elephant Larry! BOW YOUR HEAD! Oh wait, that's from Planet of the Apes. You know, the bad one.

Hey! Man Animal! Yeah, you! I didn't say DON'T bow your head, did I? Yeah, that's right.