SketchFest NYC June 14
That Other Astorbucks 51 Astor Place New York, New York 10083 Phone: (212) 677-6447 or , depending
But no.
Someway, somehow, you stop. For you sense something else; something equally familiar. Another force calls, this one also beckoning you... backwards. You regain your composure, turn around, and look. Past the black cube sculpture, past the Cooper buildings, and through the mix and hurry of street vendors you suddenly see her: the beautiful mermaid-beast. Again.
Confused, torn, you turn back around, back to your first beautiful mermaid-beast, desperately looking up to her. Why am I feeling this?! Her star-clad crown shines down to you in the sun. It's okay, she says. Go to her.
And she's right. It is okay. Don't worry. This confusion is a natural one, that has confronted every single New Yorker ever to exit the downtown 6 train. And those who have chosen the path toward That Other Astorbucks have been duly rewarded.
Outdoor Ambience: If you're looking for outside, people-watching pleasure, this is it. That first Astorbucks? Clammy and indoors. Central Park? Too big and too north. You like trees? That Other Astorbucks has TWO of them. Hate trees? No worries. Only a couple of 'em here. Freddy Olmsted would have no doubt rethought those plans for the big CP had he discovered his thirst for cool Caramel Frappuccinos. And a time machine.
Educational Ambience: Cooper Union offers free tuition for its bright, young student body. So what do those artists and engineers do with all that extra cash? You guessed it: Caramel Frappuccinos.
Corporate-Takeover Ambience: A lot of folks seem pretty down about the so-called Malling of America. And unfortunately, the Starbuckers have played no small role in this. But hey, my Caramel Frappuccino is half-full, goddamn it. Ask yourself, what have the omnipresent mermaid-beasts given us? Unfortunate homogenization? Sure. Boredom? Perhaps. But, how about consistency? (Yes!) Familiarity? (Yes!) The vanishing need to go someplace new and risk disappointment and possible ultimate failure? (YES!)
But no worries. That Other Astorbucks has encouraged a variety of local street vendors to gather along the sidewalk just outside. So support your local economy: sit down on that two-treed patio, breathe in some fresh incense and take your pick of one-hitters, local art, cheap LPs, and cute little turtle things with the wobbly heads.
Sketch-Writing Ambience: Alex and I wrote our very first sketch together in That Other Astorbucks. Its name is Bloodbank, and it debuted in Dawn to unforeseen uproarious laughter. In that same session, we also wrote our very second sketch, creating the anti-hero of The Precinct, the nefarious Three AM Killer. To my knowledge, no one has written any sketches there since. All in all, 2 out of the 474 Elephant Larry has ever written ain't so bad.
The $3.75 Coffee Ambience: Fine. Whatever.
Musical Ambience: See that first Astorbucks.
Rating: All in all I give That Other Astorbucks four half-full Caramel Frappuccinnos and two half-empty Caramel Frappuccinnos, for a grand total of 2.5 Caramel Frappuccinnos or possibly 2 Caramel Frapuccinnos, depending on whether or not you choose to count two of the original four half-full Caramel Frappuccinos as half-empty Caramel Frappuccinnos or opt to add two entirely separate Caramel Frappuccinos onto the list as their own separate entities. But as the mermaid-beast will tell you, that's a choice you must make for yourself.
- Chris Principe
*Note:The Caramel Frappuccinos are exceptionally terrible. Please ignore their unavoidable presence in this review.
