Features --> Restaurant Reviews
Hooters
301 Light Street
Suite 173
Baltimore, MD 21202
Phone: 410-244-0367
This weekend, Geoff and Chris went down to Baltimore, Maryland where they did not partake in the local cuisine. Elephant Larry got a chance to catch up with these two and ask them how they managed to avoid Baltimore's cultural scene totally and completely.
As soon as we got to Baltimore, the first thing we did was go to Hooters! Like Chris says, you can tell a lot about a city by the size of its Hooters! HAHAHAH!
Anyway, we almost didn't get to eat there at all cuz Hooters was about to close (it was almost 11 at night on Sunday!) but then a friendly security guard saw we were really hungry and talked to the owner who said "Welcome to Hooters!" Then he closed the big metal gate behind us and locked it. We got to choose our own table!
It was tough deciding what to order on the menu. We all (our friend Liz was there too!) decided to split an order of 10 pieces of their world-famous chicken wings. But instead our waitress gave us an order for 20 pieces! You might think it was her mistake, but it was OUR mistake not ordering more to begin with! After driving for hours in Geoff’s Dad’s minivan we were famished. We almost ate them all, even though they were terrible!
Then came the entrees. Geoff ordered a terrible chicken sandwich. It was called a "Smothered Chicken Sandwich". It must have been smothered with crap! Chris ordered a different terrible chicken sandwich. He doesn't remember what it was called. Liz liked her burger very much. Chris and Geoff and Liz liked the celery. We don't really know what the baked beans and macaroni salad tasted like. They remained untouched.
And then the girls! Woah! For a place called Hooters, their hooters certainly weren't very big. And they were wearing those shorts that make it look like your ass hangs out a little bit. It was crazy! The girls all wore high top sneakers. We were very uncomfortable.
But our waitress was really nice! Her name was Tracy or Stacy. (Geoff thinks it was Stacy and Chris thinks it was Tracy, so we'll just call her Acy.) Acy was concerned that we wouldn't get our terrible food in time. So she said "Give me your orders now so I can get them to the kitchen before it closes." She gets two thumbs up, and Liz liked her too. Though she did charge us extra for blue cheese and ranch dressing without telling us. That was pretty dick. One and a half thumbs up.
Here's a funny story! At 11 o'clock, allllllll the waitresses in Hooters gathered around a garbage can and sung Happy Birthday to it! Liz thinks it was a song indicating last call, and the garbage can was there for no reason. We agreed to disagree.
All in all, here's what we learned at Baltimore's Hooters. Hooters has an airline which flies to Baltimore, Myrtle Beach, Newark and somewhere else. That's all we learned.
Hooters gets a zero. It's a great place to come if you want a place where you're too uncomfortable to make eye contact with strangers or even your friends. Acy deserves a better job, longer shorts and health benefits. We've never been to any Hooters in NY, but they're definitely better than this was. We are never going to Baltimore again.
- Geoff Haggerty & Chris Principe & Elizabeth Porto
