Features --> Restaurant Reviews
Quiznos
19-23 Saint Marks Place
New York City, NY 10003
Phone: 212-253-8444
So I've pretty much waited to eat at a Quiznos all my life. When I was born, on Super Bowl Sunday three years ago, I opened my eyes, and the first thing I saw was the mildly amusing Quiznos commercial on display during halftime. Ironically, tragically, there were
no Quiznos in New York City at the time. That is, until three years later, one opened not two blocks away from where I work [For you continuity experts, yes, I'm only three years old. I work as a professional toddler], in the East Village! Oh joyous day!
I went in to eat, of course, the very first day it opened. Which, on reflection, might not be the best of ideas. I ordered the veggie sandwich, which came with olives, onions, tomatoes, lettuce, guacomole, and two types of cheese, on your choice of bread, with italian dressing. First of all, they couldn't get the dressing out of the squeeze bottle. When they did, it glopped out, soaking my bread with tangy, delicious sauce. Then, they forgot the cheese and guacomole. It was their first day, though, and I didn't want to cause any problems, so I didn't say anything, and took the sandwich back to work.
I have to say, the sauce was tangy and delicious. And although toasted (the main attraction of Quiznos), the vegetables were still nice and crispy. On a whole, I wasn't let down, so I decided to try it again.
My second visit, I ordered the cheese melt, which I found is the same as the veggie sandwich, except cheaper and with more cheese. This definitely helped the whole experience, although as it turns out, the rosemary bread I had enjoyed on the first visit was now being charged extra for. So I got wheat. Life giving wheat, the foundation of our nation's economy. Or is that pigs? It might be pigs.
In any case, the sandwich was better with the extra slice of cheese (so you could actually sort of taste it now), but there was still something wrong. After five or six more visits, it finally hit me.
Even though they're toasting the subs, and the bread looks like it's toasted, and the cheese is melted, it's not particularly hot. Or even warm. It's just toasted. And kind of cold. And once you realize that the main draw of Quiznos isn't all that impressive, you start to remember that Subway is across the street. And Subway is cheaper, and better bread, and has MUCH better veggies.
However, being vegetarian, I only tried these two sandwiches. Maybe the meat-wiches are awesome. Who knows? Personally, I'm going to stick to good old Subway, even if they are the worst employer in the United States [see "Fast Food Nation"].
All in all, Quiznos is adequate. I'd give it 3 out of 5 jars of mayonnaise. And now that I've realized that, my whole life has taken on less meaning. Which brings it down a half point to 2.5 out of 5. Better luck next time, jerks.
- Alexander Zalben
